miserabilia
My Journal (April 2025 - ?)
June 28, 2025
Written & Edited by Nellie of Miserabilia
Dear Friend,
So sorry for missing such a big portion of June. So far, it's been a good month. I started walking my Lola daily again. I try to give her a day in the week where she doesn't go walking, just to let her rest her body. I've been doing some more exercising myself, just some low-impact work that I can fit into the day. I'm trying to tone up to lose my excess weight so I've been focusing on the work-outs and my diet more steadily. I don't believe in being super picky with my calories or food though, so I just try to fit in two meals and a light snack throughout the day. Heavy on the fruit with Tajin or some other fruit toppings. More home-made stuff too, like fish dinners or soups. Also been trying to take more care of my skin. Last night was not good for me because I picked at my skin again, but I can fix that. Anyway, I'm changing my name again! I actually quite like Nellie. I don't know why but I feel like it just suits me and my vibe like none of my other names did. It can fit in with my legal name as well, which is nice. Anyway, that's that. I have to turn in an assignment and do some other work today. Hope you're well.
June 7, 2025
Written & Edited by Nellie of Miserabilia
Dear Friend,
Recently, I've been trying to get better at living a more peaceful life. As in, ignoring social media, ignoring people who bring me pain, all of the above. I've been trying to get better in general. Especially with my mental health as well. I'm the oldest of three in a Mexican family, so there's a sort of expectation that I'm the one who has it all together. I go to a good school, live and manage myself on my own in a big city, I'm good with my money. I have frequent breakdowns, fantasize about hurting myself, and I've spent money on the dumbest things imaginable. Too much money. For a very long time, I've felt as if my brain is incapable of being fixed and this past year has proved that to me, in a way. I had felt depressed before, to the point of contemplating death, but I've never truly felt the highs and lows until now. I'm trying to rationalize these moments in my head by saying that it's the result of my leaving home, but I go back home feeling the same way. I will definitely be talking to my therapist about this but therapy is also a touchy subject for me. I go in, expecting to talk about one thing and feel a certain way, only to come out feeling raw and confused. My brain erases the memories of my session afterwards. I walk in the next week, answering my therapist's questions about our previous session with "I can't remember." She tells me that's okay, but it feels like losing over and over again when I have to admit that my brain is working against me as it tries to protect me. I don't know how to break out of that. Okay, enough of the bad. Let's talk about the good. I recently went to a Los Campesinos! concert! My brother and I were lucky enough to score tickets for their Austin show. It was the debut show of their All Hell: North America tour and I'd like to think we left them feeling loved and admired for their music. My brother and I were so overjoyed to be there. I danced and screamed my heart out that night! I never thought we'd get to see them live, as they're an English band who do festivals and shows primarily in their home country. Meeting and hearing the songs of the band that inspired this iteration of the site was incredible. Miserabilia is truly alive, folks! Photos of the night to come.
